This simple analogy could change the way you view photography of yourself.
Have you ever gotten ready for a night out and been happy with what you saw in the mirror, only to be disheartened by a photo taken of you shortly thereafter? Unflattering pictures have a way of shaking your confidence.
A simple analogy — courtesy of Bay Area cosmetic dermatologist Dr. Samantha Ellis — may help you reframe negative thoughts about how you appear in photos. She posted a video on her Instagram in June about a memorable piece of advice she once received from a mentor of hers.
The analogy “really changed the way I view photography of myself because I generally don’t like the way I look in pictures,” Ellis says in the video. “And it also changed the way I talk to my patients as a cosmetic dermatologist because I have lots of patients who are beautiful and they come in to have cosmetic work done just because they don’t like the way they look in a photo.”
Here’s what her mentor said:
Think of all the beautiful sunsets you have ever seen in your life. And then you go to take a picture of it and when you look at the photo you go, ‘Ugh, this photo doesn’t really do this sunset justice.’ You are the sunset. You are beautiful. And just because the photo doesn’t do you justice, doesn’t detract from any of that.
The video has amassed more than 22 million views, hundreds of thousands of likes and thousands of comments from people thanking Ellis for this perspective. So if you consider yourself unphotogenic, you’re definitely not alone.
Elisa Martínez — a psychotherapist in Aromas, California, who specializes in self-esteem — said it’s pretty common for people to dislike the way they look in photos, “especially with the rise of social media and the emphasis on presenting our ‘best self’ to the world.”
“Common complaints I hear are ‘I look so old!’ or ‘I’m too fat’ — perceptions that are largely rooted in ageist, fat-phobic societal beauty standards, among others,” she told HuffPost.
“Some complaints fixate on specific physical features — think crooked nose, skin discolorations, etc. — that, in reality, are usually not perceived as negatively by outsiders.”
Disliking how you look in pictures may be explained, in part, by the “mere exposure effect,” Martínez said — which refers to our tendency to develop a preference for things we’re more familiar with.
“While we’re used to seeing our reflections in the mirror, photo images are less familiar to us, and so there can be a big discrepancy between how we think we look — based on the mirror — and how photos depict us,” she explained.
“Seeing photos of ourselves can feel unsettling because we are seeing the unfamiliar reverse of our mirror image. This can cause us to dislike our appearance in photos, since ‘unfamiliarity’ equals ‘less appealing.’”
“A one-dimensional photo can’t fully capture three-dimensional you.”
– Elisa Martínez, therapist specializing in self-esteem
When asked about the sunset analogy from Ellis’s video, Martínez said she believes it could help people begin to feel less self-critical about how they look in pictures.
“It’s a fact that smartphone camera lenses often distort facial features, causing some parts to look smaller, wider, etc., than they are in real life,” she explained. “The angles or lighting captured by cameras similarly can result in images that aren’t necessarily a true reflection of what you look like.”
That being said, Martínez believes this analogy might be a “harder sell” for folks who are highly critical of how they look in pictures because the “deep emotional attachment people have to their self-image” makes it difficult to view their photos objectively, she said.
“For this reason, seeing a photo of oneself is much more emotionally charged than seeing a photo of a sunset or object,” said Martínez. “Confirmation bias can make it more difficult for those who believe ‘I look horrible in photos’ to take the positive message of the sunset analogy at face value.”
The well-known saying “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts” is relevant here, Martínez said.
“A one-dimensional photo can’t fully capture three-dimensional you, and your overall appearance results from a complex, nuanced combination of all your features — not just one or two that you may deem undesirable,” she added.
What To Do If You Dislike How You Look In Photos
Reducing the amount of time you spend on social media may help you feel less judgmental about how you look in photos. And it may lead to improved self-esteem and body image overall, recent research suggests.
“So while it’s easier said than done, being intentional and selective about the quantity and type of social media you consume can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself,” said Martínez.
And keep in mind that many of the images you come across on social media are edited, sometimes heavily so. If you’ve ever seen those celebrity before-and-after Photoshop images, you know there’s a “sometimes-drastic difference between the images that are on social media vs. actual life,” Martínez said.
Spend some time reflecting on features and qualities about yourself that you do appreciate, so you can “‘train your brain’ to expand your focus to include the positives, not just your perceived negatives,” Martínez added.
Take into account, too, the way small tweaks to camera angle, lighting and poses can make all the difference in how you look in photos.
“Experiment with those that make you feel more at ease with your appearance — but know that even these won’t perfectly capture the sunset that is you,” Martínez said.
And consider, too, the major role unattainable beauty standards play in the way we view ourselves in pictures and otherwise.
“Zooming out and taking a meta-view of culture at large — and how capricious, fickle and downright unrealistic beauty standards are — can help us take a kinder stance towards ourselves and others,” Martínez said.
If you’re experiencing significant and pervasive distress about your physical appearance and perceived flaws, know that it may be indicative of a mental health condition, such as body dysmorphic disorder, Martínez noted.
“If your preoccupation with your appearance in photos is accompanied by very low self-esteem, anxiety, depression or other serious mood changes, you may benefit from getting support from a licensed mental health professional who can accurately diagnose and provide specialized treatment of these issues,” Martínez said.
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