‘Real Housewives’ Doesn’t Even Show Half Of Wendy And Eddie Osefo’s Marriage

Wendy and Eddie Osefo don’t play about each other.

You could tell by the deep, intimate stare they exchanged when the photographer directed them to look at each other during the photo shoot for this project. The entire room warmed up when Wendy gently placed her hand on Eddie’s cheek for the next frame. The lovebirds had found that unreplicable moment where they were, figuratively, the only two in the room. The rest of us didn’t matter — at this point, we were just nosy onlookers.

But Wendy and Eddie are used to that by now. This is Wendy’s third season on “The Real Housewives of Potomac,” where viewers have gotten a look at her family life, her work as a political analyst and entrepreneur, and her relationship with the other members of the cast, drama and all. Bravo producers have leaned into a feud involving Wendy and new cast member Nneka Ime, another Nigerian woman, who has accused Wendy’s mom of using voodoo against her.

The beef, which has been dragged out for several episodes, is the least interesting use of Wendy’s screen time, as many have pointed out on social media. Much more interesting, and not nearly given as much attention, is Wendy’s relationship with Eddie.

The couple celebrated 12 years of marriage in August. Unsurprisingly, their relationship has changed a lot since they first met as teenagers and Eddie expressed interest by “poking” Wendy on Facebook. Through firsts, maturing, raising kids and navigating disappointment and other challenges — Eddie’s family disapproved of their marriage — the Osefos have made it clear that they still choose each other.

Having their relationship on display for reality TV consumption (and criticism) adds another layer to the dynamic. For many couples in the Bravo universe and beyond, this is a point of contention that can lead to divorce. But Wendy and Eddie say it’s improved their relationship.

“People go on these shows, and you see what happens. But it’s made us closer, and just being sure and solidified in our love and our relationship,” Wendy said. “And knowing that we’re rock solid and knowing that nothing can come in between us. That has been a surprising byproduct of reality TV.”

The two haven’t let drama, misconceptions or generational traditions define them. Instead, they’re forging a path of their own, hoping to set an example of love for their three children, Karter, Kruz and Kamrynn. The couple sat down with HuffPost to discuss their marriage, ups and downs in parenting, and navigating their relationship in the public eye.

Eddie Osefo: We met when we were 17 when her family moved to Maryland. We met in the small Nigerian community. Immediately, it was some type of attraction that was there. But we were friends, of course, to start. And because she was the new girl in town, you know, I had my eyes set on her.

We were really good friends all throughout high school. Even went off to college and remained in contact. I liked her initially. She didn’t give your boy any play.

Wendy Osefo: I always thought he was cute. I thought he was super handsome. But he didn’t have a car, so I was like, no. But he became a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Incorporated, while he was in college, and I became a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated. He invited me to a probate for his chapter, and so I was like, “OK, sure.” I went down with my line sister. And when I got to the probate for his chapter, I saw him and was like, “Oh, you a man now.”

I remember, he walked me to my car to say bye. And I remember not wanting to leave. Usually I’m ready to go, but I didn’t want to leave. We were just standing there looking at each other like, “OK, what’s about to happen?” And I felt like you were trying to give me a kiss.

EO: I mean, at this point, I’m Alpha Eddie. I have options, but I have a car, too. [laughs] But we were always friends. I think at that point, I think we had something special. You were feeling the kid and I felt it.

WO: I was feeling you. And I thought that he was gonna give me a kiss. And so I was standing there, and the sky opened up and it started raining, literally. And I ran to my car. I looked back again. He was just standing there in the rain. Now, I was like, “Yeah, this is it.” And we’ve been inseparable for a while.

EO: And I told my friend at the time who was with me, “Yeah, that’s gonna be my wife.”

WO: He introduced me to his best friend, Vince, and he said, “This is my future wife. Future wife, this is our best man.” And we laughed. Fast-forward, I’m his future wife. And Vince was our best man.

EO: I shot my shot first.

WO: I blocked a few times.

EO: The first time was when we were young. My mom sent me to pick up a cooler from her house and I asked, “So what are you doing this weekend?” I think you said you wanted to go on a date with another Nigerian who we all knew. I’m like, “Oh, really?” and took my cooler and left. That was me shooting my shot.

WO: I thought he liked me. But when he snatched the cooler, I was like, “Oh, you in your feelings like that?” And it wasn’t even like a date. It was literally like a group of people going outside, and I hyped it up just to gauge his interest. But he really was like “Give me my cooler,” and left.

But he shot his shot. I shot my shot. He shot his shot several times.

Then there was a time when I shot my shot. While I was in law school, I was really feeling him. But he was occupied, unfortunately.

WO: I think the official “yes,” I was in D.C. summering for an internship. And I was staying with my sister. And Eddie had just bought a home in the suburbs of the D.C. area. So we were seeing each other a lot that summer, and we were just inseparable. And one day we went out to dinner or a club or something like that. It was like chemistry.

He wrote me a note. I still have that letter. And he asked me to be his girlfriend. And he said, “Will you make it official? Would you be my girlfriend?” And I remember the date: June 1, 2008. And the reason why that was the date was because he’s an Alpha, and they’re ’06, and I’m an AKA and I’m ’08. So we started dating.

EO: So I think that first time, it was like a schoolyard type of crush. We were both really giddy, but I still wanted to be cool. Because you know, I was driving now and I can take her out.

And so, I admit, “300” is not the most romantic movie to take someone you’re interested in to. I guess I was really into action movies. And so that’s what I decided to do. But I remember we were talking like all throughout the movie, and then afterwards, we were talking as well. So I felt like at that moment, I felt like you always were special to me, but I felt like I was getting to know who you were.

WO: What’s interesting about love and relationships is, it goes through iterations. And so even though we’ve been married for 12 years, there are still checking points when you’re reminded of that love.

But I think one of the very first moments where I was like “This is my person” was when we were out eating, and I remember my hand was on top of the table. He put his hand on top of my hand. I had an itch on my hand, and he moved my hand and scratched it. I know that sounds so small, but it was almost like a symbol of “I got you, I’m gonna take care of you.” Even if it’s the smallest thing, like scratching your itch. Just know you always have a partner.

EO: Not that I have a wall up, but you know, men, we don’t share initially. But I felt comfortable enough to share in this moment: I was struggling in law school; it was hard. I don’t know if I was preparing for a test or something, but I just broke down and [started] crying. And she was there.

I didn’t mean to break down and start crying. It was just too overwhelming. But she just caressed me across my back and she let me know that it was OK to cry, but also that “You’re gonna get through this.” It’s when I knew that I can be myself around you. And it wasn’t just, I had to be this big, bad, tough guy all the time and reserve my feelings for when I’m in a corner, struggling, you know what I mean? Like I can actually share.

WO: Having our first son was so difficult for me. We were in a new state, Virginia, by ourselves. We just graduated from law school; he had his first job in the legal field. And I was still completing the final years of my Ph.D. It was just such a hard transition.

And for me, I have never had to ask for help. I’ve always been like the strong, Black woman who does it all. But I had to realize that in order to have him as a partner, I had to communicate that I needed assistance. And that was very hard for me, because to some degree, I felt like asking for help meant that I was failing. And so he showed up for me in parenthood in a way that really supported me, because not only was that my first time being a parent, but we had a boy and I feel like fathers in the lives of their sons, their Black sons, are so important. And so I don’t think it was easy. It wasn’t easy at all.

EO: And nothing can prepare you to be a parent. As people who can be high achievers, we wanted to be perfect at parenting, and that just doesn’t exist. And so it was hard. It was hard for her. It was also hard for me even knowing how to show up for you. When I can’t rock [the baby], he doesn’t want me. I can’t nurse the baby, what am I supposed to do? Are you hormonal? Am I just doing everything wrong? I just didn’t know. It was a wild time.

WO: I remember one time you actually called my mom. I think it was after our second son was born. And he was like, “I don’t know what to do.” I think it’s those moments of vulnerability in relationships that lead to a breakthrough. I think sometimes people think that relationships always have to hit on all cylinders. But the way in which you enhance your relationship, the way in which you’re able to make corrections, is to make mistakes. And I feel like verbalizing those mistakes also allows your partner to come in and help you co-create a path forward. And so I do give you credit for that. Because I think that there are moments where you just say, “I don’t have the answers. What do we do next?” And that was a breakthrough moment for us.

EO: I think we have a few, even now. And I feel like we’re much better parents, we’re much better spouses to each other. It’s crazy how that worked out.

EO: I think it has affected us just in the sense that we see ourselves on TV, but then we also see how people perceive us. And that’s something that we never had the privilege or opportunity to see, initially, before we got on the show. And I think for me personally, I never really cared what people thought. If they don’t know me, I don’t care about your opinion, because I don’t know you. But when you’re in the public eye and when you’re on reality TV, everyone has an opinion, good, bad or indifferent. And so my role on this journey is really like talking Wendy off the ledge.

They wanna say that you signed up for it, but you don’t sign up for everything. They don’t tell you everything that’s gonna happen. It’s just one of those things you have to navigate as you go about it.

WO: It’s interesting, because he’s right. If I had his personality, I’d be perfect for reality. Like, he does not care. And so I’m very “mama bear” on and off camera. My family is my love, my children and my husband and my mom and my sister, so I’m very protective of them. He’s always making sure I’m OK.

Since we joined the show, it actually made us close ― which is interesting, because people go on these shows, and you see what happens. But it’s made us closer, and just being sure and solidified in our love and our relationship. And knowing that we’re rock solid and knowing that nothing can come in between us. That has been a surprising byproduct of reality TV.

EO: People think we’re perfect. And I don’t know why. It’s one of those things where, you know, if you don’t see us cursing each other out, that doesn’t mean that we’re perfect. You know, we have a relationship just like anyone else. And we go through ups and downs, we have disagreements. We have different opinions and how we parent.

WO: He gets on my nerves.

EO: And it’s like, just because we could smile in the picture doesn’t mean that we think we’re perfect, and we’re definitely not perfect.

WO: On reality TV, people do see us and have this preconceived notion of who we are. But I think why they may think we’re perfect is because they see our friendship. That’s my friend. Like, that is my BFF. That’s why we don’t like to fight, because it’s like, “If you fight, who am I gonna talk to now?” We’re literally best friends outside of the marriage.

WO: You know, in our culture, the teaching is, “You don’t get divorced.” People have gotten married, and they just live separate lives. Not even together, but they’re saying they’re still married, just for the sake of saying they’re still married. These are things that we don’t necessarily agree with.

We tell each other what we want to bring from our culture and raise our children with the same type of value. So I think the good part is, we have this belief that we’re not going to get divorced from one another. There’s no, “Oh, we’re just doing this to save face.” No. If I’m not happy, you’re not happy, we’re not doing this.

Sometimes in different Nigerian homes, you don’t see your parents act affectionately. We’re very affectionate. Showing [our kids] not just “mom and dad” but also “husband and wife” is important, because we’re the first role models in everything. And I want my children to experience love, like real love ― not just dealing with somebody because you feel like you have to, but actually someone that makes you happy. Like I laugh at his jokes all the time. And my oldest son’s like, “That isn’t funny.” I think he’s so funny. But my kids are just like, “Why are you laughing?” But they need to see that.

WO: I did an interview and the host asked me, what do I consider home? And I said, “Home is my husband’s chest.” And you have redefined love for me. Because growing up, I always moved from place to place, so I was always the new girl. And you have provided me stability and consistency. And outside of my mom and my sister, you’re the closest person in my life. So love to me is constant.

EO: I think you have given me hope knowing that love is not always what you think it is going to be. And not to get preachy, but sometimes God has a different idea for you. I’m just an easygoing person and you are a firecracker, if you will. Sometimes you think that’s not a good match. But our opposites and things that we don’t share in common, you have made me better in that regard. And so because of that, I’ve grown into a better human, a better person.