“We didn’t need company or an audience, we needed help and compassion.”
They may come to the hospital to meet their new grandchild, or perhaps introductions happen over video chat. In the emotional rush, sometimes grandparents do or say things that rub parents the wrong way.
We asked members of the HuffPost Parents Facebook community for some of the rudest things that they have seen grandparents do when a new baby arrives. Here’s what they had to say.
1. Refusing to use the name the baby’s parents gave them.
“[My mother] doesn’t like my son’s name (Elijah) so she refused to call him by it. Instead she would say ‘That little boy’ or ‘That little baby,’ as if he didn’t have a name.” — China Shock
“My Aunt didn’t like the name I’d chosen for my firstborn son (Zachary) so just decided to rename him and continue to refer to him as ‘Joshua.’” — Maria Harris
2. Being upset about not having been present at the birth.
“With my second child, my water broke at 32 weeks, and I was on hospital bed rest until I hit 34 weeks, at which point I was induced. Knowing that my daughter was going to be premature and most likely taken straight to the NICU, my (ex) husband and I decided to keep it to just us at the hospital during labor. We would have family come once we knew she was stable and ready for visitors. Sure enough, she was taken to NICU minutes after birth. We texted the family to let them know she had arrived and was healthy, all things considered. My mother immediately called me, furious that she hadn’t been present for the birth. I told her that I needed to be supported, that we had been unsure of how healthy the baby would be and that we needed to focus on the baby. She argued that she had a right to be there and she would have stayed out of my way. I told her that this was about us being able to focus on the baby, and the birth was not about her or what she wanted. She screamed into the phone, ‘Yes it is!’ and then hung up on me. She never apologized, and until the day she died believed I had greatly wronged her.” — Lisa Nodarse
3. Saying the family was less than prepared for another child.
“During my 3rd pregnancy (which turned out to be a stillborn) my stepmother-in-law stated that she was surprised I got pregnant again, ‘considering your financial situation.’ All that judgment was awful.” — Jami Heeringa-Trivelpiece
4. Insinuating that a pregnant person has any control over the course of their labor.
“I had a hard, 24-hour labor that eventually stalled out. When it stalled out, we decided to wait until baby was ready to come, which was the best choice. But it was disappointing, frustrating and painful without any reward. I was sharing my feelings with my mother-in-law. Her only response was ‘Think about what you just put Jerry through!’ (Jerry is my husband.) I burst into tears and cried for three straight days until labor started again.” — Samantha Haines
5. Making negative comments about the baby’s appearance — or a parent’s.
“At least he doesn’t look like a little alien, like other preemies.” — Bethany Ann Barnhart, Tennessee
“Mother-in-law: ‘I hope she gets her dad’s nose.’” — So Yas
6. Expressing disappointment over the baby’s sex.
“My former mother-in-law showed up in my hospital room within 30 minutes of me pushing out my fifth daughter and told me, ‘It’s a shame she’s a girl.’” — Angela LaRoche
“On the birth of my second son, the very first thing my mother-in-law said to me was, ‘What a shame it’s not a girl.’” — Lor Raine
7. Expecting to be catered to like a guest.
“My father flew to the hospital on my ex’s flight privileges, had my ex bring him to the hospital, then got mad at me for not being able to help his then-girlfriend find a place to stay for the night when she flew in. We haven’t spoken since.” — Dinelle Sieradzki
“[They] expected to be treated like guests in my home while I was sleepless and in pain after a C-section. I had twins and was learning how to nurse for the first time. [They] expected to be waited on, cleaned up after. [They] couldn’t stand/walk to get a baby, and didn’t remember how to change or burp a baby — so my husband or I had to do all of that, too. We didn’t need company or an audience, we needed help and compassion… or to be left alone so I could be topless and medicated.” — Katie Hodge
8. Doubting a new parent’s abilities.
“I led a new mother’s group in Chicago. I had one new mom tearfully describe her own mother telling her that she knew her baby better than the new mom did. New moms are so vulnerable; this was heartbreaking.” — Lisa Ellis Kappel
9. Pretending nothing is different.
“While I was lying in a hospital bed 10-plus hours deep into labor, I received a text about another family member’s hotel accommodations (I worked hotels at the time) and nothing else. No ‘How are you?’ No ‘Hello.’ Nothing.” — Katia Rodriguez
Responses have been lightly edited for clarity and length.
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