You went through the education system, launched your career, grew through the ranks, and are at the point where starting a family is not a bad idea but it is not at the top of your priority list. Good idea.
Mum and your aunties, however, have other ideas. They will not let you be, at family events.
No matter how scarce you try to be, they will corner you at the end of the buffet and steer you to a reserved table where you will hear nothing but the merits of settling down, giving them the joy of celebrating you, and or crowning it all with a few grandchildren that they cannot wait to spoil.
Should you try to resist any part of this onslaught on your now not-so-private life, a guilt trip is usually planned ahead ensuite with your visa expressly granted: “Why would you not want to allow me the pride that my fellow women enjoy”? If you seem unresponsive, the speed picks up a little: “I’m tired of making new outfits and buying gifts for other people’s daughters”.
You probably expected this and are determined not to be manipulated. Mum shifts gears and steps on the gas pedal without any reservations flanked by your aunties: “I pray that I will one day hold my grandchildren in my arms before the end of my days”.
She ends with a sad faraway look on her face and Aunt Jemima punctuates it all with a look that lets you know that you are putting your mother through untold torment. You arrive at the desired destination: resignation.
Two to three years later you are married, you just had your first baby, and return to work. You had checked all the boxes, or so you thought:
Education: Check, Career launch: Check, Career growth: Ongoing, Financial security: Ongoing, Marriage: Check, Husband: Filling up his clothes better, life organised, career thriving, settling nicely into the perks of having a wife, Kids: Ongoing, Mum: Overjoyed, proud, and singing hallelujah louder, You: The wedding was cute, you are yet to send out all the thank you notes, many outfits don’t fit, the jury is still out on where you are at…
Now if you could just move to the next rung of the career ladder, all the ongoing items on your list would tie up neatly. You are back at work for a week when your nanny leaves.
You need two-three days to dash to a bureau, interview five of them and half-heartedly hire one, train her and be back at work. You missed the national quarterly business update.
Your assistant covered your presentation and while you are grateful that there was someone to step in for you, you can’t shake off the guilt of your absence from an important performance meeting.
Even if you can ignore the discomfort of it, you can’t quite shake off the feeling of uncertainty that starts to build in you with regard to your ability to pull off motherhood and keep growing your career. One fine Tuesday morning a few weeks later, you’re a mess.
You have not slept a wink. Your bundle of joy ran a fever all night and you ended up in the emergency room at 3 am. You cannot make it to the quarterly regional review meeting.
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