Whatever number a woman gives she will be judged. Too many people — Slut. Too few — Prude. None — Why? What’s wrong with her?
I remember I was hanging out with this guy that I casually date, and I remember him randomly asking me; “How many guys have you had sex with?”
Okay.. so technically, it wasn’t random, we were talking about sex in general, and I guess it led up to him asking me that question. I repeat, I was not in a relationship with this guy so I found it weird that he even asked me that. Of course I told him, I mean , who am I to lie about sex, especially when I’m the one that’s having it. When I told him the number he wasn’t surprised at all, he was calm actually. (Maybe my number wasn’t all that great.)
It made me think though, what is it about people and wanting to know how many partners you’ve had, and if so, is body count important In any relationship?
What is body count?
Before ‘Body count’ became a sexual phrase, the term was used in reference to the number of soldiers who had died in the war. The term has now metamorphosed into the number of people a person has slept with.
Like most young people, it is a question I’ve heard numerous times. One person will just hiccup the question out and then a sort of drunken top trumps is initiated. For boys, the highest number wins. For girls, the lowest.
At surface level, it seems trivial and unimportant, the idea of everyone having a number to their name. In the post-Love Island world, we take for granted that this kind of information should be readily available, part of a sexual fact file to be provided to anyone on request. However, it seems to me that the idea of a body count may be doing more harm than appears. Whatever number a woman gives, she will be judged.
Too many people. Slut.
Too few. Prude.
None. Why? What’s wrong with her?
Men are also judged, of course, but rarely with the same severity. Low counts are met with encouragement rather than suspicion. There’s still time. Tonight’s the night. That kind of thing. Really high numbers may raise a few eyebrows, but I can’t imagine anyone would ever disassociate themselves from a guy simply because his list of women was too long.
The truth always hurts.
When you think about it, there really is nothing to gain from the body count information except that it satisfies your curiosity. Most times, guys can’t even deal with the truth especially when the babe in question is one that has truly explored her sexuality before they came into the picture.
In England 2017, it was revealed that the average woman sleeps with eight guys before settling down. I think a huge number of guys especially from my country, Kenya, will estimate that as being too much.
This is where I get to talk about how unfair it is that guys could have slept with over 10 girls and will be hailed a champ and a woman does the same and she’s a tramp. That just doesn’t seem right especially now that gender equality is being called for more.
Back to the body count subject; to ask about your woman this question also puts your relationship in a precarious balance. If she’s been with more than a few guys and presumes that you’ll be staggered if she tells you, this will prompt her to come up with a lie; which of course is not what you want in your relationship.
If she trusts you with the truth, you may never be able to handle it. If your relationship is in a good place and everything is going great between your woman and you, you really do not need any inconsequential thing to upstage it.
Who a woman has slept with in the past should not suddenly make them unattractive to you, and should not affect their standing with you. Women don’t think of the number of women a man has been with before loving them as they should. Why can’t they be accorded the same courtesy? Besides, there’s no assurance that the figure she’ll tell you is the accurate thing. And how would you know if she downplayed the numbers just so you don’t run off or start acting strange because of the truth?
Really, it’s simple; if you think she is kind, smart, intelligent and fun to be with, how does her body count suddenly change all of the positive vibes you feel with her?
You can ask if there have been any abortion; that is also a valid question to ask. I mean, this is someone you are getting serious or intend to get serious with, so that question is not unreasonable and deserves an answer, just as women deserve an answer when they ask if you have ever impregnated anyone or if you have a child somewhere.
My Final Take.
I believe body count should matter, and I also believe it shouldn’t. The reason why I say this is because, yes I do believe that you should at least know how many partners your current partner previously had, so you can feel a sense of security and safeness when you are about to have sex. This is why getting tested on both parts, is crucial in a relationship, or if you are just casually dating.
On the other hand, not knowing how many partners your current partner previously had, is not going to kill you and it shouldn’t matter. What matters, is that you are dealing with the person now, and it’s your decision whether you want to continue dealing with him, or not based on him as a person.
The same applies to a woman having 2 or more partners does not justify you as a person. It also does not mean that you should shy away from dating other men because you don’t want to come off as doing too much. You shouldn’t have to lie about your body count, own it! Even if you are asked that question who the hell says it’s any of their damn business?