It has changed this couple’s marriage — and it could change yours, too.
For couples, adding this one thing to your routine could make you feel more calm, connected and ready to tackle the week ahead.
Stephanie Booe, a content creator and motherhood blogger in North Carolina, made a now-viral video about the ritual that has kept her seven-year marriage stronger than ever: scheduling a weekly meeting with her husband Alex. Since posting it on Instagram in January, the video has been viewed more than 12 million times.
Every week, over a cup of tea, the couple dedicates 45 minutes to looking at the family calendar and mapping out the upcoming week.
“In our meetings, we talk about appointments, meetings, dinners or time with friends that we have planned, along with meal planning, groceries, overall budget, weekend plans and how we can serve others throughout our week,” Booe told HuffPost.
Typically, the parents of two do this on Sunday evening after the kids are asleep. They started implementing these weekly check-ins about a year ago in a casual way. After seeing how much of a difference they made, the meetings have now become a “non-negotiable” part of the week.
“We have two kids, and we both work so as you can imagine, our schedules can sometimes get a little chaotic,” Booe said. “We were tired of feeling scattered and out of sync. We needed to find a way that we could not only connect, but to sit down and organize our life in a better and healthier way.”
“It’s 100,000% worth it,” she said. And her only complaint is that they “didn’t do this sooner.”
The practice has improved the Booe’s marriage, as well as the day-to-day functioning of their household, she said. For one, they’ve noticed they’ve been arguing less since implementing a weekly meeting.
“We don’t have a misunderstanding like, ‘Wait, I didn’t know you had blank,’ and we don’t fight about what’s for dinner because we’ve already addressed all of these things,” Booe said. “We go into the week knowing what to expect and knowing what we’re having for each dinner. That way, if one of us is busy or has to work late, the other person can jump on dinner because the food is there and the meal is already planned.”
It helps their home “run like a well-oiled” machine, she said, and creates a strong foundation for their family.
Adam Albrite is a marriage and family therapist at Act2Change Therapy & Wellness Center in Atlanta. He told HuffPost that weekly check-ins like the ones the Booes have been doing are “fundamental to relationship stability” and can even “increase relationship satisfaction.”
“Routine meetups are good for building trust and a sense of security between partners. They’re like small reminders that even though life is crazy right now, at least I know you’ll show up for me next Sunday,” he said. “That can be powerful when coming from the love of your life.”
The consistency of this practice can also help regulate the nervous system by reducing stress and uncertainty, Albrite added.
“Routine meetups are good for building trust and a sense of security between partners.”– ADAM ALBRITE, MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST
He encourages couples to do weekly meetings because they “demystify the practical parts of adult love relationships.” Still, he acknowledges that the idea may not be appealing to everyone.
“Does it feel sexy and spontaneous? It sure doesn’t appear that way at face value,” Albrite said. “In fact, some couples even avoid this kind of structure for fear of over-engineering their lives and relationships. Other individuals avoid this idea because of a childhood trigger — for them, household meetings only happened when something was wrong or as a form of punishment.”
For that reason, he recommends couples ease into the process slowly and without making it feel too formal.
“I fully support these meetups feeling casual at first,” Albrite said. “Beginning a new habit is hard enough without it feeling like yet another workplace all-hands meeting or one more calendar item. So, my recommendation is to always start slow and casual. The best lifestyle interventions have a soft launch, start simple, and ramp up over time.”
“The point is to connect and try to put out fires before they even happen.”– STEPHANIE BOOE, MOTHERHOOD BLOGGER AND CONTENT CREATOR
If you’re interested in giving the weekly meeting thing a go, Booe has some advice: Just start. Pick a time to sit down and chat and be intentional about it. You’ll work out the kinks as time goes on.
“Make sure you both come to the table with ideas or topics for discussion so that one person doesn’t feel the pressure to lead,” she said. “Talk about the hard stuff! Talk about the budget and call each other out if someone is overspending. Talk about meal plans and which meals you’d both like to have. Talk about who will cook or get groceries. The point is to connect and try to put out fires before they even happen. So get real and raw and talk about the things that will help your family succeed.”
Some people have told Booe that putting a weekly meeting on the calendar makes marriage feel too “business-y.” But she said it’s really a way of being proactive about keeping the relationship healthy.
“Marriage takes effort. It takes work. This is what marriage looks like in real life. Sitting down with your spouse and talking about the hard things to make sure you’re both working to move that needle forward,” Booe said. “Instead of thinking of this as a ‘business meeting,’ think of it as a ‘dream session.’ A time where you and your spouse can sit down and dream together.”
You can talk about things like vacations you’d love to take and how you’ll save up for them, for example.
“It’s all about your perspective, and if you’re in a negative headspace, you won’t have fun with it,” Booe said. “But if you take a step back and change your mindset, you’ll see that this is an opportunity for you to build the life of your dreams with your best friend and that alone deserves 45 minutes out of your week.”
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