We’re Best Friends… But We’ve Never Met In Real Life

Physical closeness is great, but it has nothing on shared interests, similar senses of humor and a deep, “I’ve been there, too” sense of understanding of personal experiences you thought were specific to you.

That’s true kinship, said Bibek Gurung, a 30-year-old sales representative from Massachusetts who has developed a number of online friendships through the years.

“Our friendships really don’t have to be restricted to people we have physical proximity to, or people we know from school or work,” he told HuffPost. “It’s really only with the internet that you can become friends with people based on shared interests and personalities alone, just connecting person to person.”

Below, Gurung and his online best friend ― along with four other sets of friends who met on the internet ― tell us more about their unlikely friendships, why they bonded so easily, and if they’ve ever considered meeting IRL.

How did the two of you meet?

Molly Raskin, a 28-year-old stay-at-home mom from Illinois: We met through feminist Facebook tag groups in 2019. Bibek created a big one called “The bar for men is so low it’s a tavern in hades,” and in 2020, I created a spinoff group which started with me poking friendly fun at the admins of his group. We became fast friends after that. I started my group when I had a newborn and was looking for things to do online trying to stay awake while nursing her at night. It became kind of a creative outlet, and now Bibek and I make memes together there and have started co-moderating many other groups.

Bibek Gurung, a 30-year-old sales representative from Massachusetts: Raskin first popped up on my radar in a shitposting Facebook group I had created in order to kill time during a terribly boring job I had at the time. This was early 2020 and she posted a very sarcastic and funny response to something that I thought was absolutely hilarious.

How would you describe your friendship?

Molly: I think my friendship with Bibek is very different than most of my in-person ones, because ours is based purely on shared interests. In real life, most of my friends share similar demographics to me. I like them a lot and enjoy their company, but I don’t necessarily have a ton of shared interests with them. Bibek and I have very different daily lives and backgrounds, but extremely similar interests and personalities, so even if we lived in the same city, I don’t think we ever would’ve met without the internet. We’re both weird in the same ways, are comedic writing partners, and we hate all the same things as each other (which I think is what truly bonds people).

We like absurdist humor, celebrity culture, and gawking at interpersonal drama. For my birthday last year, Bibek got me a Cameo from disgraced former Illinois governor and felon Rod Blagojevich. It was hilarious. He told Blagojevich a lot of random, inconsequential false information about me, and somehow goaded him into going on a sidebar in which he speculated that Steve Irwin passed away when “a jellyfish fired a dart at him.”

Bibek: Our friendship is rather unusual over all but quite typical for a generation that grew up on the internet: We are extremely alike in our views and interests but have completely different lives and upbringings. I’m an immigrant from Singapore who moved to the US around five years ago and she’s a Jewish Chicagoan with a 1-year-old baby. Nevertheless, I feel like we are very close and consider her a very trusted confidant. The way I would describe it, we have a friendship that’s like Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy from “30 Rock,” only we are both Liz.

How often do you talk? Does the long distance hamper your connection in any way?

Bibek: We talk almost every single day via Facebook Messenger. Occasionally video. I have several friends who live all over the world who I am very close to. However, not being able to see them IRL does have some frustrations and can be bittersweet. But with Raskin, it’s different because it feels very easy and I don’t quite feel the same kind of distance. I think we are quite in sync that I feel very comfortable in this friendship, so the virtual nature of it all doesn’t affect it.

Have you ever made plans to meet in person?

Molly: We haven’t made formal plans to meet in person. However, I’ve met one of Bibek’s real-life friends from Boston when she was visiting Chicago multiple times, so he and I now have a mutual in-person friend. I’m sure it’ll happen someday. I definitely am worried it’ll be a little awkward at first! I think it will probably be fine. We’ve talked over video, but I’m just nervous because the stakes feel weirdly high. Like, will we have the same dynamic? Probably we will.

Bibek: We’ve never gotten around to it, just because we live so far away, and most of our friendship was forged during the flaring of several different COVID variants. I would love to meet her and her baby but I don’t find it especially urgent because she feels very close even with just the digital proximity. I do feel like it would be awkward initially just because my comfort zone is the size of a molecule, but I’m am looking forward to it.

How would you describe your bond?

Karl: We share a passion for word games. I have played Scrabble since I was old enough to read. In addition to being fun, it helps me to relax, build vocabulary and improves spelling. Deb is a worthy opponent and gives me friendly competition.

We are both easygoing people but with often conflicting social and political views, yet have a mutual respect and are willing to hear the other’s viewpoint without spewing venom or being judgmental.

Deb: Karl is much more easygoing than me. I’m a little more passionate about my beliefs. He’s conservative and I’m liberal. When we start to disagree about a hot-button topic we steer the conversation another direction. I’m less likely to do that with friends in real life. Karl does have a very calm and steady demeanor that makes it easier to respectfully disagree. Neither one of us believes in conspiracy theories, but we do see the world differently.

How often do you talk?

Karl: Usually weekly at a minimum via text or a chat window within the game, but no mandatory check-ins, demands or expectations. Phone calls are infrequent.

The physical distance and the fact that we’ve never met IRL allows us to be more open, less judgmental and more supportive.

Deb: We don’t talk every day, but it is imperative that we play the game every day. Right now we have over 800 days of consecutive days played and Karl will lose his mind if we reset back to zero days. Once I texted him when I was sick and he told me that unless I’m dead I need to play a word every day. He is very passionate about our streak. If either of us has gone 23 hours without playing a word we start blowing up the other persons phone to “PLAY A WORD NOW.” [Laughs] We usually have three to four games going at all times.

Any plans to meet IRL?

Karl: No plans, but I wouldn’t rule it out some day. I would not feel awkward.

Deb: I agree. I’m glad we started chatting so many years ago. Now the only people on WWF who try to chat are usually scammers. I don’t start new games with strangers anymore because I almost always end up blocking them!

How did the two of you meet?

Niccole Smith, a 23-year-old graduate student in Florida: We met in early 2020, right at the beginning of the pandemic, when I was added to a group chat with a mutual friend. We’ve known of each other prior to that, but we just never really spoke much.

Madeline Fitzgerald, a 22-year-old writer in Washington, D.C. : We first started talking at the start of the pandemic. Before then, we’d both known of each other for a while. My college best friend, Sarah, is Niccole’s best friend from high school. We were both added to this huge group chat ― which I think was fairly common at the start of the pandemic ― but as time went on we ended up having more one-on-one conversations or conversations with just a few close friends.

How would you describe your bond? What is it about the two of you that makes it so easy to connect?

Niccole: I would say we have a very close bond. We talk nearly every day. Meanwhile, with friends I have met in person, I tend to talk with them every few days/once a week or so. I think we just have very similar humor and we are both Taylor Swift fans, so we are always sharing Taylor Swift-related TikToks and share our excitement over re-recordings.

I know people are very cynical about the internet, but I do feel like friendships like this are an incredibly positive attribute of being online. Niccole and I grew up in different parts of the country and attended very different colleges, but there’s so much the two of us share that it would’ve been sad if we’d never become close.

Madeline: I think we’re extremely close ― we both love Taylor Swift ― who our mutual best friend isn’t super into. This meant that when Taylor released a bunch of albums during the pandemic, we always had someone to talk about them with. Beyond that, we both have very similar, quirky senses of humor. We’re also both very online, which means I can send Niccole weird tweets and memes constantly and not feel like I’m overloading her. With some of my IRL friends, I feel like I couldn’t do the same thing.

How often do you talk? And how do you communicate?

Niccole: We talk nearly every day through Facebook Messenger. I think despite having never met IRL, we still have a fairly strong bond.

Madeline: We also send each other memes, tweets, etc., over other social media apps. I remember one time, Niccole send me a voice memo and I was listening to it I had the sudden realization that this was the first time I had ever heard her voice.

Have you ever made plans to meet in person? How do you feel about the idea of meeting IRL?

Madeline: I feel like it’s just a matter of time until we meet. Ideally, I would like it to be sooner rather than later.

How did the two of you meet?

Devon J. Hall, a 38-year-old author and blogger at LoudMouthBrownGirl.com from British Columbia: Barrie and I met 22 years ago ― I keep track because he forgets ― in a chat room that is far too adult in nature to name publicly.

Barrie G. Hall, a 39-year-old chef and creator of Lard Tunderin Sauces from Newfoundland and Labrador: A long beeping time ago, a lifetime for some. Devon states I don’t remember, but if I am correct it was a role-playing chat room with a BDSM theme.

How would you describe your friendship?

Devon: B is my best friend. When I really have stuff going on, he’s who I used to go to. We’re a little less close these days because he’s married and has kids, but when I meet someone new, I still think “can I introduce this [person] to Barrie”?

Having someone there who watched you grow into who you are today and is still there to love you is pretty special. I mean, 22 years is a marriage, you know? It’s pretty special that we’ve been able to remain friends and not because we were romantically involved.

Barrie: De is my sister through and through, which goes deeper in my opinion than a friend. We haven’t really taken the time to sit and just shoot the shit like most friends. It’s more like we listen to what the other has going on in their life and try to offer support in any way we can.

How often do you talk?

Devon: We talk when we need to, when we feel like it, when we plan. It’s usually when I reach out. He’s a dad, I’m not. He’s busy, I’m really, really not. [Laughs]

Barrie: She’s always answered the single time I phoned her, but back in the day we used ICQ and MSN to keep in touch. Nowadays, due to the career I picked and being a parent with my partner to a 2-year-old, I’m lucky to get to sit down if [I’m] not sleeping. I’m not in contact with friends like I would like to be, let alone family. Lately we’ll ping back and forth on Twitter or Facebook Messenger if we need an opinion we can trust.

Have you ever made plans to meet in person?

Devon: Actually we haven’t really ― we’ve thought about it. One day, for sure. Long before my future wedding, I hope. One day we will when the time is right.

Barrie: Time and money in this current world is lacking for any kind of plans. She literally lives on the opposite side of Canada as myself. She’s in British Columbia and I’m in Newfoundland and Labrador. Would be fun to chill with my sis and have a “brownie.”

Ranko Trifkovic, a 47-year-old narrative designer from Serbia: It feels like we’ve met a lifetime ago. I couldn’t believe it when I realized it’s been only 11 years. I was working as a contractor for an American media company. I was on their roster for a long while, but I’ve always worked alone. Then I had a new project, a new product and a new boss. With him arrived a youngster from Mexico. I immediately loved this young guy’s energy and enthusiasm on the team calls, but then it turns out we have more than one shared interest. It probably wouldn’t have developed into a deep friendship if it wasn’t for the shared sensibility.

Joan Acosta, a 37-year-old QA software engineer from Sonora, Mexico: Yes, in late March of 2011 I was hired by an LA-based company directly from Mexico, which also had contractors in Eastern Europe. At the time, my team consisted of our boss in Austin, a guy named Ranko Trifkovic in Belgrade, and me in Hermosillo, Mexico. While the three of us had a very good chemistry, I clicked immediately with Ranko as soon as we started team calls. We bonded over stuff like writing — he’s a small published author — tabletop role-playing games, Frank Herbert’s “Dune,” cooking, general mysticism, very socialist ideas, and sharing the loads of work and introducing each other to our particular spots of the world.

How would you describe your friendship?

Ranko: To say it is a brotherhood would be a cliche, but I can’t find a better word. We share more than interests and values. The rich soil for our friendship to grow was shared problems. Mexico and Serbia are similar in many ways, and similar sensibility had us noticing strange synchronicity in personal issues as well.

We struggled as artists, as emancipated males in a society where traditional patriarchy is the norm. We’re both educators who share a passion for learning through play. We’re both gamers who seek more sophisticated fun from the games. We’re two guys who want to be better human beings and share it with the world. And the glue that made it so easy for us to connect is humor. When you can share a laugh over a shared problem, sometimes that’s all you need to carry on.

Joan: Our friendship is solid and honest. We’ve had our conflicts but he is the kind of person I can talk to in an unfiltered way ― and vice versa ― and still know he can take it kindly. That’s something pretty rare. We’ve gone through each other’s engagements, breakups, divorces, job switches, illnesses, every up and down of life from quite a distance.

My brothers, parents, most friends, and even my current partner and roommate are so aware of Ranko’s existence they even mention him in casual conversation. He’s like the older brother I never had.

How often do you talk?

Ranko: We talk nearly every day. In our 11 years of being friends, we’ve only had a handful of “breaks” longer than a week. Even now we start messaging with “sorry for disappearing” if we didn’t talk for a few days. Primarily we communicate through Facebook Messenger via text, with the occasional Discord video session. With the intensity of our friendship, the distance is simply not an issue.

Have you talked about meeting up in person?

Joan: We have. I’m totally down to meet him in person and do some bar-hopping ― I’m pretty sure we’re going to have fun.

Ranko: I feel that this is the year when it will finally happen. I can’t wait to meet Joan IRL. Knowing us, it won’t be awkward; it will probably be a celebration and the most natural thing. To me, our friendship is a friendship, not less than an in-person friendship ― in fact, I think ours is more real than IRL ones.

“You aren’t real friends, because you’ve never met” has to be the silliest comment ever.