Last week, I wrote about how modernity has robbed us of the communal spirit of old which would bring us together effortlessly, which would encourage us to look out for one another and reach out to one another regularly.
I wrote about how more and more of us have embraced a life of solitude, such that were we to die in our homes alone today, some of us would be discovered a year later.
The first reader to respond was a colleague in the media, Kahenya Kamunyu, who disagreed with my assertion that living a life of seclusion had robbed us a bit of humanity, that it had done us more harm than good.
Kahenya, in a lengthy email which signified just how much he disagreed with me, described himself as a “life-long lone wolf”, a hermit that enjoyed his own company, informed me that Covid-19 and the countrywide lockdown that followed is the best thing that happened to him because, as he put it, his obligation to be social ended.
A life of solitude, he told me, means that he is saved from the unnecessary drama that accompanies people, even better, one does not have to put up with social situations they are not interested in.
Practise extroversion
Kahenya wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know. You see, I’m an introvert’s introvert. Solitude doesn’t bother me, in fact, I look forward to it and often seek it. I’ve never tried it, but I think I could survive a year, even more, by myself without losing my mind. All I’d need is a book to get lost in and a fast-paced movie. I therefore don’t think wanting to be alone is a bad thing.
That out of the way, I long realised that my introverted nature could become a liability if I didn’t deliberately shrug it off once in a while, that it would rob me of life-changing opportunities if I did not periodically emerge from my one-person shell to practise extroversion.
I work in an industry that is people-oriented, I need people and their insight to do my job, I need to network, I need to be heard and I need to be seen. This means that when I am at work, I need to consciously shed off my introvert’s cloak and step into the crowd. It is exhausting afterwards and I have to retreat into my solitariness for some time to recharge, but it is something I know I have to do for the sake of a career.
Visit neighbours
By now, you have guessed that I am not the kind that turns up at a neighbour’s doorstep unannounced, neither do I deliberately seek companionship or friendship. Again, aware of this shortcoming, and also aware that I might need my neighbours’ help or assistance at some point, I joined the neighbourhood women’s group which meets once a month.
We visit a home once every month, which means that at least once a year, I get to entertain neighbours who I would ordinarily not have invited to my home, and also get to visit neighbours who I probably would never have visited or even known.
Being an introvert, it means that I don’t make friends easily, in fact, I have known my closest friends for over 20 years, and these are people I either met way back in high school or college. In the last five years, I don’t think I have made more than two new friends. Acquaintances yes, friends no.
Once again, aware of my limitations, I ensure that I attend all the social gatherings that my small circle of friends call, because if I didn’t, I probably would lose these friends and I wouldn’t have a social life to speak of. I am therefore careful to nurture these friendships.
What am I saying? You cannot change your personality, but every day, you can take deliberate steps to overcome whatever limitations your character has handed you.
The writer is editor, Society & Magazines, Daily Nation. Email: cnjunge@ ke.nationmedia.com
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