I’m an ardent fan of series and new movies and one thing I’ve noticed though, is that from the movies to real life and everything in between, everyone is busy pairing up like the animals on The Ark. I guess like most women, there is always that desire deep down that you will one day bump into your ideal man and most ladies actually have a list of what they want in a man. I don’t think I’m complicated though… All I want is real love… just like the lyrics in that song by Mary J Blige. “I’m searching for real love…someone to set my heart free…” But today’s relationships are quite dicey, most don’t last and the ones that do are riddled with cheating. What exactly does a woman want in a man, I wonder. Over time, I have narrowed down my list to: Respect. Loyalty. Financial stability.
Helena, a girl I’ve known for a while says that her most important trait in a man is loyalty. “By loyal I mean I want to be his one and only girl,” she explains. “As a woman, I need physical, emotional and financial safety. Yes, a man should be the provider. On the emotional front, Helena needs to know that the relationship is heading somewhere. She also wants him to appreciate her little efforts. Helena says it is also important for her man to be good in between the sheets. “Life is quite hard. By the end of the day you just need some way to relieve your stress and a good roll in the hay does it for me,” she says.
Lilian, a girl I met last year says at the bare minimum, he should be good looking, clean and confident. “A gentleman who’s fun-loving, non-violent and funny and one who can hold an intelligent conversation ranks high on my wish list,” explains Lilian. “It is also important that this man has goals and ambitions that push him to be better in life and that can lead to financial stability, she adds. The single mum of two, who’s in her mid-30s, would prefer a man who values family. She wants her man to respect her, be the sole provider and have a good sense of fashion who doesn’t reek of sweat. I laugh because I too love me a man that smells good.
On the flip side, Lilian hates a man who lies or one who borrows money from women. I can relate as having ‘lent’ a man what I’d call a large amount of money (It was a six figure and still hurts to date considering it was part of a loan I’m still repaying), I’ve made peace with being branded a gold digger but no way I’m giving my hard-earned cash to a man. Jane, a media and communication graduate in her early 20s says she is attracted to kind men who she finds friendly and considerate. She also likes a man who is smart and intelligent; honesty and integrity are a must for her.
“I like someone who has a sense of fashion but not those who go on the extreme,” says Jane. She also confesses to being attracted to men with a smart, attractive personality. “It would also help if he’s physically attractive. I like clean shaven men,” she chips in. “An emotionally stable man is a plus as he will understand and be in charge of his feelings. He will also be better placed to understand my feelings,” says Jane who admires men that are believers like her.
Katarina, now in her early 30s, wants a responsible man she can settle down with. “I prefer a man who’s older than me and one who has enjoyed life and is ready to settle,” she says. “In my earlier days I had a long list of the kind of man I would want. Today, I realise that is not realistic as you cannot get all the traits you desire in one human being,” explains Katarina.
If the man believes in God, is good with children and honours and loves me, we are half-way there, she says. “I like a man who is loyal, faithful and a man who can communicate,” she says. “I cannot stand men who live off women or men who are not responsible. If he has a child or children out there and is not taking care of them, he is automatically disqualified. I admire men who take care of their brood whether they are in good terms with the child’s mum or not. That to me spells responsibility and I know he will take care of me too,” says Katarina.
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